I've been there once

Dear friends,

1. DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU WATCH LOST BUT FOR SOME INSANE REASON MADE A PACT NOT TO WATCH THE FINALE UNTIL LATER THIS WEEK

Oh Lost. You did not give me pirates. The rapidly diminishing boar population issue was not addressed. Michael still won't stop saying "MY BOY!". No better clarification as to why Eko carries that Eko stick* than "He's a priest." Huh? Sorry well-paid tv writers, all the priests I've known we're stick-free so please understand my confusion.

Despite this, I thoroughly enjoyed the Lost finale (even though I spent its first hour scuttling back and forth from the bedroom and the living room so I could see Prince!?! With twin back-up singers?!? On the American Idol finale. That's right, I have no Tivo) Of course there are still more questions! QUESTIONS even! Here's some thoughts...

- The use of my favorite Boz, Our Mutual Friend as a plot device. Whilst I realize that the writer/producers chose this tome 'cause of John Irving or somesuch saying they're gonna read it on their death bed, I wonder if they realize how much that particular novel has in common with the Lost's preoccupations. No, not polar bears or psychologists but the wacky coincidental ties shared by a group of people striving to better their lot in life because of or despite their backgrounds. Of course, this is a pathetic summary of the novel's themes, especially since one of the books "heroes", Eugene Wrayburn, THE proto-slacker, has no inclination towards betterment AT ALL but eventually redeems himself all thanks to a good beat down by a psychotic teacher named Mr. Headstone. Now if only Eko had hit John Locke a little harder...

- Desmond better not be dead 'cause if they're going for this whole Odysseus thing, he needs to stick around for another few years. How many years was it? 17? I can't remember my classics. This is why I watch so much tv.

- The British actress playing Penelope was the Sally character in NBC's godawful attempt to re-make Coupling. Way to go! Save that career. Notice how at the end, she still had Desmond's picture on her night table and the random Portuguese guys chilling at the South/North? Pole called her Miss Widmore, as in, she never married after all? Then, how after she hung up the phone, she walked over to her closet, took out her loom and dismantled all her work?

- I hope they'll explain the whole eagle that says Hurley's name thing at some point. I'm rather annoyed that they tease us with the prospect of some crazy zoological shiz but then the polar bears go missing, so do the boars and instead we get...Black Beauty?!? Where did that horse go?

- Speaking of tease, where are the psychics and clairvoyants?

- Notice the dock where the Losties four were being held by the Others was called Pala Ferry? And if you're as geekily prone to noticing detail as I am, do you recall that the orientation film for The Pearl advised those working there to go to the ferry where you will be taken back (tape cut) after your eight hour shift? Hmmm? Is there an island nearby perhaps? With a Hyatt? Serving those nastly little pink tropical hooch smoothies? I think so!

- Was that an 8, or an eternity symbol on the hatch on The Others' faux hillbilly village? Was that on the black light map? Damn, I wish I still had that screensaver. I guess that's minus 5 dork points.

- I don't think Henry Gale is their leader. He's way too short. Trust me.

- I say everyone needs to go back to four-toed beach. That moment was very Planet Of The Apes. How awesome would it be if a race of giant four-toed sloth people came out with a flag? Get your your claws off of me, you damned mossy sloth! But I digress...

- Libby should never, ever rock a page boy.

- Every time Desmond and his scraggly 90's grunge hair-do came on, I sang Evenflow by Pearl Jam with full Eddie Vedder vibrato. Is that bad of me? I kept expecting him to bust out with that weird Shakespearean "Hey nonny, nonny" that comes on at the end.

- Claire is so useless. The writers will rue the day they ever dreamed up that whole "your baby must be raised by you and no one else" thing. Seriously. The girl is gorgeous but her acting seems to consist of looking like she ate bad clams or smiling to disguise the fact that she ate bad clams.

- Having cleverly (and obviously, temporarily) dispatched a trio of alphas to the hostile side of the island, does this mean that new type a folks will rise to take over leadership?

2. DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU HAVE AN ISSUE WITH THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE

I went to see my friends George and Jessica get married on Sunday. The bride designed her own princess style ball gown. The groom wrote his own jokes (at least I think he did, I've always suspected he has a writer on retainer. Too quick with the comeback quip, that Flanagan!) Later that night, because as well as being crazy in love, they are just plain ole crazy, the bride and groom performed at Galapagos (with their drummer, Dan K aka "Thundertubs") as El Jezel. 2 sets! That's stamina! My favorite moment, besides watching George look at Jessica with the goofiest and therefore loveliest adoringly open-mouthed smile as she sang a song to him in French**, was getting to watch El Jezel kick out the jams to their rollicking Michigan as scenes from Repo Man played in the background. Why is that a highlight? 'Cause George loves himself some Harry Dean Stanton so it couldn't have been more fitting.

Happy Wedding, George and Jess! I wish you guys much love!

Befriend el jezel on my space.

Buy their album (containing the aforementioned Michigan) HERE.

3. DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU DISAPPROVE OF IPOD DJ-ING***, DOWNLOADING OR MONKEYS

My Monkey got me some hard drive space 'cause our computer had so much music on it, it was consumptive and practically dead on a chaise lounge, tiny blood-stained hanky held daintily at its mouth. She's all better now! Which means I can now go back to downloading like mad. Whoo-hoo! Music bloggers watch out! I'm coming for your kids! I plan to use the spoils for when Contributor Jenny and I team up to DJ an upcoming Beg Yr Pardon party. I have promised Jenny I won't be annoyingly obscure. Ha ha ha. Best believe, I'll still try to slip a little Mo-Dettes in there.

Love, D

Song to seek (and band to clink your champagne glass for): Michigan/El Jezel

* Oz fans, can the Eko stick even compare to Adebisi's signature tiny hat?

** Does anyone know what song that was? I missed the intro!

*** Someone recently remarked to me that iPod DJ-ing was "an obscenity" which gave me pause. Friends (especially actual honest to goodness tastemaking vinyl-spinners such as Contributor Liz) and Soft Communication readers, what are your feelings on this?

ha ha ha, bless your soul

dear friends,

sorry. I just couldn't resist drawing your attention to this post from the superficial regarding paris hilton's plans to cover gnarls barkley. if this isn't a sign of impending frog showers, then I don't know what is.

love, d

she's the sweetest queen I've ever seen

dear friends,

I was gonna talk american idol finals but after realizing that I wouldn't have much to say 'cept taylor hicks is a purple people eater & katherine mcphee sang her single like she was in a junior high talent show*. for the "yeah, what they said" please go to heart on a stick & read his take on the finals.

instead here is some you tube madness. the first three are somewhat** connected to neil jordan's breakfast on pluto which I viewed this past weekend. I loves me a picaresque tale. the fourth is one I'm just fond of.

1. I just don't know what to do with myself/dusty springfield



2. jeepster/t-rex



3. re-make re-model/roxy music



4. ain't it fun/the dead boys



love, d

* I did feel bad for her. her "single" selection, entitled "I can't believe that I'm at finals" aka "wow, tonight is special" aka "my destiny" (or something close to that) was written by someone who didn't know her range so that the combo of contralto notes & nerves made her occasional forays into the upper register sound like an asthmatic owl hooting faintly in alarm. hence the talent show aspect. it doesn't matter though. little girls will still want katherine mcphee paper dolls & little boys will still want to see her oh pretty much just stand there. so she may still win.

** somewhat in the sense that songs by dusty springfield & t.rex are in the film, just not these selections, & bryan ferry (!) makes a cameo appearance in the film as an eddie argos-moustached baddie (!!)

oh yeah, pretty fun

dear friends,

I enjoy tiny masters of today because I enjoy naive art sibling duos, & I especially enjoy naive art sibling duos who love devo, & as it turns out, I SUPER especially enjoy naive art sibling duos who love devo & are 10 & 12 years old respectively. if they would consent to play beg yr pardon sometime it would be oh so grand. unfortunately, I think the whole children in bar thing might be a problem.

not in red hook though (ah brooklyn), where they are playing the liberty heights tap room on saturday jun 10, 2006 at 1:00 PM. befriend tiny masters of today on my space. I sense a bright future.

plenty of time to plan a fancy picnic by the boats beforehand. who is with me? I've heard rumors of key lime pie...

love, d

songs to seek: pictures

Horses in her eyes

Dear friends,

1. I am fan of the Shoegaze. I like guitars that go bzzzzz and sound like they're landing on top of your head while somnambulant voices echo in the background in an endless loop that rises and falls in volume. I wouldn't say Brooklyn's Skycam quite falls into that category. But I would call it a gentle, way more american update on ye olde standard. Their vocals are clearer and there are touches of country-fry, such as the slide guitar winding its way through the lilting Lucky or the Fairport Convention-goes-indie opening of Wake Up. But there's no denying the hard edged guitar work that cuts into their quieter moments especially in the shard-like strokes at the end of Fevering. Me likes. Go befriend Skycam on My Space, and download some songs.

2. I wouldn't say I'm a fan of country in that I don't own near enough country albums to qualify myself as one. Also, I can't recognize Waylon Jennings songs the way some of my friends can. Still, I'm a nice middle of the road/VH1/weekender country music listener. Not so much White Trash Woman as Pancho and Lefty. I love Ryan Adams and his lonesome loser laments and dig the occasional Neko Case yodel. Which makes me quality sucker material for Goodnight and Goodnight who combine skewed wavery toned vocals (that some people might call CYHSY-stylee* but not me since I may be the only living girl in NY who doesn't own that album) with country touches to their prom-perfect ballad The Sun Hits Her Face. You'll wanna find someone in chic vintage prairie garb to wrap your arms around and everything. Go download it on Goodnight and Goodnight's My Space page.

3. Need material for the eventual "I'm heading somewhere with sand and waves" playlist? Currently, I am a bit obsessed with the curdled sunniness of Via Audio's song Presents. Curdled? That's 'cause a lot of boy/girl harmony lines can fall on the line of sugary twee and that is certainly not the case with this tune. It's a sunny pop song with an underlying steeliness so it's perfect for a drive to the beach with your most cynical (but secretly tender-hearted) friend. Hear this song on, yup, you guessed it, their my space page.

4. As proven consistently by my fellow contributors and friends, Gill and Therese, good things come from New Jersey. To that end, go check out Green Arrows whose Americana lamentation, California, can be downloaded on My Space**.

Love, D

Songs to seek: Fevering/Skycam, Presents/Via Audio, The Sun Hits Her Face/Goodnight and Goodnight, California/Green Arrows

* Yes, that's two e's

** Yes, I live on My Space nowadays.

Cannot stand the way you tease

Dear friends,

1. 'Cause when I write the posts it IS like a high school girl's diary and sometimes that includes no music, so neh

Somewhat botched Moms Day weekend by backing out from seeing United 93* because I know that I wouldn't be able to sleep for days afterwards, not to mention the crying, and instead treated The Monkey and my mom to a movie called Goal! (or as I took to calling it for the rest of the night, "Goooooooooooooool!"**) about a young immigrant Mexican living in L.A. who OVERCOMES OBSTACLES and goes to England to try out for Newcastle.

Jigga huh? You made your mom and romantic partner sit through a soccer movie? No. A futbol movie. From Disney. With lots of slow-mo shots of our protagonist running on a rainy, gray beach as Oasis blares from the speakers, which apparently is the best way to listen to Oasis because the stuff didn't sound that bad. I'm just sayin'.

Afterwards, my mom and I agreed that the movie was very Telenovela and when I say Telenovela, I mean every character, no matter how minor, had some crazy ass DRAMA. Such as: the hero is not only a Mexican immigrant living in L.A., he is an ILLEGAL Mexican immigrant living in L.A., his dad is DISAPPROVING and HOTHEADED, his mother left him when he was a kid for unexplained reasons but probably 'cause she was a ho and he has GASP! ASTHMA which he must keep a secret from his teammates!, the girlfriend (played by the insanely delicious Anna Friel, who is definitely my #1 celebrity girlfriend,) is not just a nurse with a heart of gold but one whose father was a rockstar who left his family because of fame and drugs and other rock star things so she KNOWS WHAT HAPPENS TO PEOPLE WHEN FAME HITS, the scout who discovers our hero used to be a pro-footballer but then his wife died of cancer and he went on a DOWNWARDS SPIRAL and now he owns a garage (pronounced GEAH-RAH-J), the kid's new best friend's mom was a boozer on the dole and because of an injury may lose his chance to play FOREVER. And so on and so on...

Also, to add to the Univision-ness of it all, whenever Oasis wasn't blaring and drama was occurring, this lame-ass cheesy "Spanish"-style guitar would play for eh...ambience? Whatever. I enjoyed that queso. What can I say? I like futbol.

2. Because I am too busy trying to hear music to even think coherently about describing it at the moment

I been living on My Space and making an elaborate graph of all 5 beeeellion bands I'm "friends" with based on location and genre and trying to set up imaginary line-ups in my head with titles like neo-shoegazer psychedelia! We sound like the 60's and you smell like one too! Folk americana with your corn liquor! Cute couples make music!, etc. All this for the Beg Yr Pardon party. Madness, I tell ye.

In the meantime start listening to Higgins, Planes for Spaces, Takka Takka, Telenovela Star, Kickstart, and Cholo. I will be writing something about them soon. Something that's somewhat coherent and descriptive. I swear.

3. Because American Idol is still not over

Taylor is definitely in the final two. His absolutely bonkers I'm scared to watch the screen version of Try A Little Tenderness would've won him the competition had last night been the last tally. Katherine McPhee continues to be pretty, vacuous and totally lacking in interpretive skills though I was amused to see a little bit of petulant temper temper came through last night when she bitched about the judges being "hard on her." My poor camel probably won't continue though I have to admit, I was seriously hoping to see him sing whatever Diane Warren-crap they had for this year in his twitchy Quasimodo-style in front of the huge American Idol McChoir. That would've been priceless.

In any case, Clive Davis, that sly ole fossil, clearly wants McPhee to win so he can make some cash. I hope he gets his wish. Because then I'll never have to hear from her ever again much like the femmebot that won last year.

4. Because Lost is not over

Alas, my dream of Ana Lucia and Sayeed having crazy jungle lovin' went unrealized. At the same time, I'm glad to note, at least she got some before having her last big flashback episode in the sky.

And yeah, I have no predictions other than the button won't get pushed and there will be a cliffhanger. I know. I'm so perceptive and you wonder how I know.

5. Because I have a confession to make

Contributor Liz, don't hate me but...I never cared for Soft Cell's Tainted Love. I know, I know. but seriously, whenever that song came on at a party, I'd slink off as far away from the music so I wouldn't have to see bad shuffle back and forth dance moves. So how is it that I love Rihanna's S.O.S., adore dancing to it and the main reason I'm feeling it is because that Tainted Love sample sounds oh so right? I blame Disney.

Love, D

* She suggested it!

** On a hilarious side note, because I kept calling the movie Goooooool!, J thought it was a biopic about the guy who invented going Goooooooool! at futbol matches. Now THAT movie needs to be made right now.

Speaking of monkeys

Burning Monkey Solitaire is the best solitaire there is. As you play, the monkeys make fun of you. And if you get tired of them making fun of you you can shoot one with a flaming arrow.

My boss told me I have to post that or I'm fired.

To make this post about music, I am now going to list all the songs I can think of about either primates or burning.

1. "Ape Man", The Kinks

2. "Burning Love", Elvis Presley

3. ....

Okay, I ran out of songs about primates and burning. You'd think there'd be more. There's like a million songs about love or depression or sunshine but nothing about burning. Or monkeys. Or solitaire.

Monkey with Ipod

The magic 8-ball Ipod shuffle quiz was actually fitting,
or hilarious for me in most cases....

1. how am I feeling today?
"The Scientist" - Coldplay

2. will I get far in life?
"You're So Great' - Blur

3. how do my friends see me?
"The Court of the Crimson King" - King Crimson

4. where will I get married?
"Everything Will Flow" - Suede

5. what is my best friend?
"New York City Electric Death Maze" - The Marks (hehe!)

6. what is the story of my life?
"The Prettiest Star" - David Bowie

7. what was high school like?
"Blues For Dave" - Unsacred Hearts (yes, it sucked)

8. how can I get ahead in life?
"In Limbo" - Radiohead

9. what is the best thing about me?
"Fell in Love WIth a Girl" - The White Stripes

10. what is today going to be like?
"Now Here is Nowhere" - The Secret Machines

11. what's in store for this week?
"Rock Music[live]" - Pixies

12. what is in store for this weekend?
"Mr. InvisibleD3" - J Demos (me)

13. what song describes my parents?
"Strangers" - Portishead

14. to describe my grandparents?
"Canceled Check" - Beck

15. how is my life going?
"Be Here to Love Me" - Townes van Zandt

16. what song will they play at my funeral?
"Public Pervert" - Interpol

17. how does the world see me?
"Gigantic" - Pixies (ROTFLMAO!)

18. will I have a happy life?
"Pretty Peggo-O" - Bob Dylan (this is the first one that makes no sense at all)

19. what do my friends really think of me?
"Cactus" - David Bowie

20. do people secretly lust after me?
"Mother" - Pink Floyd

21. how can I make myself happy?
"Beat Bop" - Rammelzee Vs K.Rob (what the heck is this anyway?)

22. what should I do with my life?
"This Will Be OUr Year" - The Zombies

23. will I ever have children?
"Going Out of My Head" - The Zombies

24. what is some good advice for me?
"Woman King" - Iron & Wine

25. how will I be remembered?
"Jonathon Fisk" - Spoon (?)

26. what is my signature dancing song?
"A Reminder" - Radiohead

27. what is my current theme song?
"Sylvia" - Arthur Verocai (I don't even know what this is...)

28. what does everyone else think my current theme song is?
"Unintetnional Tape Manipulations" - Earlimart

29. what type of women do I like?
"Pinball Party" - The 5,6,7,8's (but I haaaate the 5,6,7,8's)

30. what type of men do I like?
"Isle De Encanta" - Pixies (what??)

-Jeremy

Ice baby, I saw your girlfriend

Dear friends,

Busy, busy, busy. bee-like, as Cordelia once said on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Which means no links, just me babbling, at the mercy of the Little Monkey Jr. Hit it, tiny caucasian.

1. Watching The Detectives (Live)/Elvis Costello (mp3)

Sigh. I once had a prized bootleg cassette of some Elvis show from 1978 that is nothing but 45 minutes of raging, relentless, spiteful aggression. The Attractions rip it up so hard it sounds like they're about to tear out the floorboards so they can construct a tiny fort to keep their amphetamine fueled paranoia at bay*. No stops between songs, no slow songs, the only banter being the occasional Costello complaint about people not standing which I can't even see how that was possible in the face of such sonic energy. Alas, the tape never had the locale of the show, otherwise I'd be trying to find it right now since I foolishly lent it to a girl named Alison (ha!) in college who quit school shortly thereafter and disappeared into the mist.

This is from Live at the El Mocambo, possibly from that same tour. it satisfies even though compared to that other bootleg this sounds like mother/daughter tea at The Plaza.

2. Suzy Lee (Alternate version)/The White Stripes (mp3)

I much prefer this version from the Dead Leaves... CD single to the one on their album. I wouldn't say subtlety is Jack White's particular forte and on an early song like this, I'd never imagine that he'd be able to lighten up their sound. Oh, that's not to say that Meg White's patented BASH BASH BASH BASH isn't there, just that the interpretation gives the song the feel of a ghost story instead. It seems as if the singer/protagonist is dead and crooning in a sepia toned purgatory; dusty wind blowing tumbleweeds across. Highly recommended.

3. Summer Babe/Pavement (mp3)

The waiting in an abandoned house (or houseboat as I liked sing instead, I botch lyrics like no one.) The accidental laugh that breaks up the "dropped off" from "the first shiny robe." The guitar at the end like a wasp on acid. All those things and more.

4. Jeanny/Falco (mp3)

Eh...I got the album from my library when I was a kid and I taped it. A couple of years ago, I decided I needed it again and found it online (Oh internet! Thou art powerful indeed!) Basically, Falco does a voice over in German over an 80's erotic thriller movie keyboard theme. I have no idea what he's saying** but at the end of every "verse" he gets WAY overwrought and starts singing "Jeanny, quit living on dreams!!!" in english with these chick singers going la la la behind him. It's so, so NUTS but singing along to the chorus is extremely satisfying in that "you are alone, and yearn to over-emote in the privacy of your own home" sorta way. If you want something a bit more obscure than Pat Benatar's We Belong to the Night to do this to, then seek out this song.

An old friend of mine once dated this guy who was an army brat, had grown up in Germany and was more German than American. He liked the Legendary Pink Dots, Einstürzende Neubaten, Nick Cave and...Falco. Specifically, Jeanny. He casually mentioned the song once and we gave each other that secret look of "I love that awful song!, Me too!, Don't tell anyone!" to this day, he is the only person I've ever met who had ever heard of it.

5. A Rush and A Push/The Smiths (mp3)

I love Strangeways Here We Come, even though there's something slightly off about it that I can't put my finger on. Was it the growing animosity in the band? The order of the tracklisting? I can't tell. But I find it interesting that an album that contains a nice number of quality Smiths songs is not one of my favorite album listening experiences...

On a goofier note, this song makes The Monkey dance. It's true. whenever I put it on, J starts to sing along and move his arms to the beat, his hands in the shape of ice cream scoopers. It never fails to put a smile on my face. Very pleasing, indeed.

Have a good weekend!

Love, D

* Interestingly, I've only ever done this on caffeine. It works.

** If any of our readers speak German and would be interested in helping a sistah out, get back to me with the translation.

bigger than the sound

dear friends,

1. contributor tina is like a charging bull that's been inexplicably transformed into a pretty girl. who knows why it was done but there she is, so get out your reds & mind the china 'cause lady da costa has decided to go all mad doctor frankenstein on nyc & start a party entitled beg yr pardon.

because I am all about contacting complete strangers in bands via email & babbling about how much I like them, I have droolingly volunteered to be her igor, complete with hump*. I envision many things...mainly to see bands that I really love, both from nyc & out, in one delirious line-up so musicians out there, don't be surprised if you hear from me (insinuating cough followed by narrowing of eyes). also, be prepared for a collective dj experience the likes which I have never heard (or seen, come to think of it...). I'm actually sweating right now, that's how hot & heavy I am for this once every other week tuesday night event to be held at the bbq-licious delancey. did I mention the brownies? yes! baked goods.

befriend beg yr pardon on my space**. & contact me on my space as well so I can hear your nice band's music.

2. go see mo matching drapes tonight at the delancey.

love, d

* also starring in beg yr pardon (that is, if it was young frankenstein) is contributor phil as frau blücher & contributor bryan as police inspector hans wilhelm friederich kemp. those fellas have skillz.

** full web site coming soon...(cue overture)

A Minimum of Effort

And better results than I expected. My 8-Ball:

1. how am I feeling today?
“Down to the Nightclub” by Tower of Power (unlikely, I think)

2. will I get far in life?
“Knock ‘Em Flyin’” by GBV (optimistic or pessimistic? could go either way.)

3. how do my friends see me?
“Genius” by Kings of Leon (well, I mean…)

4. where will I get married?
“It’s Pouring” by M+S

5. what is my best friend?
“Sacred Love (I Against I)” by Bad Brains

6. what is the story of my life?
“Dancing Gods” by Silver Apples

7. what was high school like?
“Edie is a Sweet Candy” by The 5678’s

8. how can I get ahead in life?
“Book of Moses” by Tom Waits (hey, are you calling me a Jew?)

9. what is the best thing about me?
“Flower 2” by Deerhoof

10. what is today going to be like?
“Brave New World” by Reagan Youth

11. what's in store for this week?
“9 Fingers on You” by Shudder to Think (ominous or amputation fetish?)

12. what is in store for this weekend?
“Small Man, Big Mouth” by Minor Threat (ominous or homoerotic?)

13. what song describes my parents?
“Final Home (ft. Esthero)” by DJ Krush (ominous or…ominous?)

14. to describe my grandparents?
“Down Boy” by Holly Valance

15. how is my life going?
“Sob Story” by Minor Threat (could it get more perfect?)

16. what song will they play at my funeral?
“West Side” by Coco Rosie

17. how does the world see me?
“Hopelessness” by Dreamend (see #15)

18. will I have a happy life?
“Out” by Quiet Personal Electronics

19. what do my friends really think of me?
“Burn” by Eric’s Trip (yikes)

20. do people secretly lust after me?
“Hypnotize Me” by Jeremy Joseph (I fuckin’ KNEW IT, Jeremy!)

21. how can I make myself happy?
“Call Me Up” by Gang of Four
22. what should I do with my life?
“Today” by Smashing Pumpkin (Billy, unhelpful as usual)

23. will I ever have children?
“Fuck Authority” by Raw Power (uh…)

24. what is some good advice for me?
”The Chill is On” by Big Joe Turner (yeah, relax relax)

25. how will I be remembered?
“Ever is Over All” by Pipilotti Rist

26. what is my signature dancing song?
“Wrecking Now” by GBV

27. what is my current theme song?
“Oklahoma, USA” by Yo La Tengo

28. what does everyone else think my current theme song is?
“Naturescent” by TRS 80

29. what type of women do I like?
“Rape Me” by Richard Cheese (Oh my fucking god. I don’t even know what to say.)

30. what type of men do I like?
“Last Days of Disco” by Yo La Tengo (what a finale)

However far away

Dear friends,


The guy with the ball in this photo is Justin. When I first met him I was very nervous because a) I had fallen madly in love with his younger brother Jeremy (the one whose back is to us), b) he was the first family representative I was meeting and I'm not very good at the first impressions game. Or the second impressions game. Or the third, etc... And c) I really, really did not want him to think I sucked and report back to Naples, Florida, in its entirety, "She SUCKS". Jeremy said, "Why are you worried, you're nice." And in the way he said it, I knew he wasn't making fun of me which is always my reaction to someone saying kind things. So I shut up.

J* and I, famous weekend sloths, were unusually productive that visit, hanging out at Brighton Beach where Justin bought a beer from one of those strolling beach vendors and was completely flummoxed that they didn't ask for i.d., to which I laughed and laughed, because something that seemed totally normal to me as a child was suddenly thrown into comic relief and I love that. Going to see Ryan Adams play Battery Park fo' free where Adams ranted drunkenly about "Metallica-errr" and his lover, water, even though it cheats on him with the soap. Watching J and Justin get competitive over volleyball at the Da Costa sports complex (TM) in Somers, complete with grunt and hustle. Sitting on the sidewalk outside of Sin-e on the 4th of July, waiting for J and Man in Gray to set up and talking about embarrassing and shameful moments in our lives as we threw loose gravel out at the razed street.

All of our friends said, they don't look like brothers but I disagreed. They shared similar expressions, reactions and the same gentle quality. There were times when they'd talk to each other in that sibling shorthand, and I was terribly jealous because that's what I wanted my entire life, someone kinda like me but not at all, who'd grown up in the same houses, gone to the same schools but in different grades, someone who could say something about mom and they would be talking about my mom. Someone who you could sit in silence with as you played some song that you both used to like when you were younger and you could look at each other and laugh without speaking and somehow be laughing at the same thing. It was wonderful to watch and bask in the second hand glow.

Some music notes: Justin ruined Sonic Youth's Dirty and Alice in Chains' Dirt for Jeremy by playing it too much when they were in high school. I heard Justin and my friend Gill giggling over the Tricky CD I had on. I was embarrassed 'cause I thought they were laughing at my questionable allegiance to trip hop but really it was because of some smutty lyrics Martina sings on Maxinquaye that took them by surprise and their laughter was infectious. It was the same day we watched 8 Mile, like twice or something 'cause there ain't no such thing as halfway crooks. Justin liked 311 a lot, which I secretly made fun of him for liking because I'm an asshole. He bought a live DVD of theirs in NY even though he didn't have a dvd player to play it on back home. He sat on J's living room floor and stared up at the screen like a little kid. Here's 311 covering The Cure. This is where our rivers meet, I suppose.

I let Justin take my picture which I never do because I am extremely un-photogenic and if I believed I looked the way I do in photos, I'd never leave the house. Naturally, that picture was no exception to the rule and the next time I saw him, I berated him for circulating that shiny-faced couch monster snapshot to his family to which he calmly replied, "Nah, it's ok. I told them you were pretty." I could tell he wasn't making fun of me. And once again, I was silenced. I thought to myself, where did these people come from? I'm so lucky.

Justin died on Sunday. The last time we spoke in person, I was covered in hives and was desperate to leave his apartment and go eat some Red Lobster. I am sorry that I won't get to apologize for that. Or scare him anymore with my kiss on the cheek/overly-fervent hug greetings. Or continue to promise him to keep taking care of his brother ("like you always do.") I'll miss him.

Love, D

* Here, J is for Jeremy. His mom told me that since everyone in their household was "J", people on the telephone asking to speak to "J" were always countered with a weary "Which one?"

One more time, even if you're tired now

Dear friends,

1. An old friend of mine*, Jeff, or as I like to call him, Jefe, is in a band called Breakup Breakdown and every time I see their Stones-y party band live show**, I can't get over the fact that he plays guitar as well as he does. I think this is because the infancy of our association was filled with such skill-deficient activities as a) doing absolutely nothing, b) eating nachos and c) him trying to teach me the bass line to Fleetwood Mac's The Chain so that we could play that one part over and over and over again really badly. Consequently, whenever I see him, I'm all wonder and surprise at his current ability and I'm sure he's secretly restraining himself from slapping the vaguely condescending little twit in the forehead. But seriously, he's managed to incorporate all of his random fanboy tendencies into a guitar sound that tips its hat but isn't outright theft; that sound is absolutely his and that quality would surprise me no matter who it came from. Whether or not I ever watched them dance like a praying mantis to Pavement with a lady drink in their hand.

Anywho, Jefe and his co-Breakup Breakdown bandmate, the impossibly statuesque and soul-voiced, Allie, (who I don't know at all but was quite lovely to me when I accosted her outside the ladies at their last show) are doing a covers set at Black Betty in Williamsburg, tonight at 10:30PM. I hear there will be some Gram Parsons, some Galaxie 500, and some other artists/bands that don't begin with the letter "G." Go, go, go.

2. Once upon a time, there was a band called DraculazombieUSA. It was started by one gentle giant, one slender mad scientist, one fine tiny dancer and one male model. They made sounds. Dance sounds. There were beats and there were bleeps and there were Al Green samples. There were live instruments and there was chanting. Slogans? No. Simple truths like "If you were a child of the 60's, then you'd be in your late '50's." They played some shows, people got down, bloggers meowed like kittens and fun was had across the land. In time though, the male model grew out his 'burns and joined a band that had to go travel round the world. And the tiny dancer and the mad scientist took off for the west. Silence ensued.

Months passed. But the music started again, this time with added guests. The gentle giant and the mad scientist decided that if sandwich shops can be franchised without destruction of quality, so can bands. Thus Draculazombieusa, East Coast Annex was born! The franchise features vocalist/dancers: Bryan, high of hair and short of shame, Mary, quick with wit and winning-smiled, Tina, sexily fit and huskily voiced, Gena, buff, tough and raptastically talented, and myself. The gentle giant, Travis, rules the roost with his fantastic four on the floor power drumming. It's a party and we'll get you moving, moving. Go to the DZUSA My Space page and website to hear the originators' good time material. And if you like that, go to The Glasshouse Gallery in Williamsburg THIS Thursday at 8PM and/OR go to Fontana's on the L.E.S. NEXT Thursday to catch the franchise giving it up LIVE. We will school ya.

Love, D

* When I say old friend, I mean he knew me way back during my unfortunate orange-haired, contact-lensed, overly-plucked eyebrow phase. Yes. I was gorgeous.

** Breakup Breakdown have this song and I forgot to ask what it was called but it was played second to last at their R&R show (insinuating cough) and it was such all night disco party fun that I wanted to hear it again and again, preferably followed by some New Order. Unfortunately, it has not been recorded yet. Say it with me: ARGH!!!

Bands to see live: Breakup Breakdown, Allie and Jeff from Breakup Breakdowns's untitled side project, DraculazombieUSA East Coast Annex

I've been told that this will heal given time

Dear friends,

1. Contributor Bryan was asking me why I had yet to submit to his new site with fellow mayan and paramour, Contributor Mary and I told him because I had thought about it and I realized I have no ruined music to report. Ruined music? Huh?

This is the missive they sent out urging people to send them their stories:

"Ruined Music wants stories for its site launch/premiere/debut! Read on:

Breaking up is hard to do. There are tears and sleepless nights, decreased appetites, increased appetites for greasy takeout dumplings and/or vodka, items thrown at walls, packs of cigarettes smoked, embarrassing songs and/or poems and/or meditative essays composed (at 3:50 a.m. while smoking said cigarettes), epic bouts of whining to be endured only by your closest confidantes and understanding pets. Then, of course, there are the horrible logistics of the breakup, which involve notifying friends, said friends taking sides, and finally, canvassing your apartment for items left behind or given as gifts by your ex. You must determine which items you should try to return and which you must throw away or burn in the bathtub. And then you collapse against the side of the bathtub and cry, because a) you can't believe you wasted so many precious weeks/months/years of your life with that evil bitch/bastard, or b) you can't believe your precious angel left you and now you are doomed to die alone. Or both.

But perhaps the worst thing about the breakup is the fact that music gets caught in the fallout. Everyone has a song, album, artist, or band that's been ruined by an ex (or, more accurately, by memories of an ex). Ruined Music is the place to talk about the music you've lost (or that's been taken from you by that evil bitch/bastard): the songs you can't stand to hear ever again, that record she always played when she was over at your house, the band you went to see together a week before he called it quits, That Song that was on That Mix, the record that was playing the night you (fill in the blank), the album you got for a Valentine's Day gift, wrapped in paper with hand-drawn hearts.

Ruined Music wants your stories. Tell us all about it. Feel better. Reclaim your records.

Guidelines? Right here:

-Please submit your story in the text of your email or as an attached Word document. Stories for the launch must be received by midnight, Monday May 8! The first three people to submit stories will receive a very special prize!

-Please include, at the top of each story, your name, email address, phone number, and the name of the song/artist/album you're writing about. (We won't publish your contact information. That's for us.)

-Please include, at the bottom of each story, a sentence or two about yourself and a URL if you have one. For example: "John Doe is a boring pseudonym who lives and surfs in La Jolla, California. He writes horrible poetry at sentimentalcrap.com."

-Keep it short. Under 1,000 words for sure.

-While it's fine to include some background details about your ex and the breakup to provide context for your ruined music, please don't get too explicit with names and identifying information. For example, do not write "I cannot listen to Prince ever since I got dumped by Ashley L. Wegman, that slut, I hear she's driving a blue Camry and working the night shift at the Cincinnati Airport Ramada Inn now."

-Please do not pepper your story with strange and possibly illegal expressions of threat and/or revenge.

-Remember, one person's misery is another person's guffaw. Make us chuckle.

-Email submissions to submit@ruinedmusic.com. Email questions, blueberry muffins, etc. to info@ruinedmusic.com.

http://www.ruinedmusic.com (full site launching soon, for now you may look at our hypnotic hand-drawn spinning logo).

tell yr friends.

xox. "

So while I might have no problem listening to music given to me and/or enjoyed by exes and other tragic experiences, that doesn't mean you don't, so skip to my lou and put your thoughts on paper!

2. Speaking of heartbreak...I bought a cd collection by this band on the way back from
Montreal (sample conversational selection from customs: Where is your birth certificate? Where are your birth certificates!?! Don't you know you are entering another COUNTRY!?!?!?!). I hadn't heard them in years, but I sat in the car listening to their Broken Heart and the passing verdant hills dotted with deer worked as a backdrop to this song just as well as real heartbreak would. Sad, aching beauty. Hatahs say what you want about it being lachrymose or too long and slow, this song STILL sounds exactly like waking up and realizing once again, with a fresh sting, that it wasn't all a misunderstanding or a bad dream. It's real and it's happening. Right now. And you still have to get out of bed and take the train and do all the things normal people do.

Alas, You Tube does not have that song but they have Come Together which is a more proactive albeit fucked up response to a broken heart. In many ways this rave-up is a perfect example of what a spot of lady trouble can do for a male musician with issues. Enjoy!

Come Together (Live)/Spiritualized (video)



Love, D

Songs to seek: Broken Heart/Spiritualized, Come Together/Spiritualized