A Minimum of Effort

And better results than I expected. My 8-Ball:

1. how am I feeling today?
“Down to the Nightclub” by Tower of Power (unlikely, I think)

2. will I get far in life?
“Knock ‘Em Flyin’” by GBV (optimistic or pessimistic? could go either way.)

3. how do my friends see me?
“Genius” by Kings of Leon (well, I mean…)

4. where will I get married?
“It’s Pouring” by M+S

5. what is my best friend?
“Sacred Love (I Against I)” by Bad Brains

6. what is the story of my life?
“Dancing Gods” by Silver Apples

7. what was high school like?
“Edie is a Sweet Candy” by The 5678’s

8. how can I get ahead in life?
“Book of Moses” by Tom Waits (hey, are you calling me a Jew?)

9. what is the best thing about me?
“Flower 2” by Deerhoof

10. what is today going to be like?
“Brave New World” by Reagan Youth

11. what's in store for this week?
“9 Fingers on You” by Shudder to Think (ominous or amputation fetish?)

12. what is in store for this weekend?
“Small Man, Big Mouth” by Minor Threat (ominous or homoerotic?)

13. what song describes my parents?
“Final Home (ft. Esthero)” by DJ Krush (ominous or…ominous?)

14. to describe my grandparents?
“Down Boy” by Holly Valance

15. how is my life going?
“Sob Story” by Minor Threat (could it get more perfect?)

16. what song will they play at my funeral?
“West Side” by Coco Rosie

17. how does the world see me?
“Hopelessness” by Dreamend (see #15)

18. will I have a happy life?
“Out” by Quiet Personal Electronics

19. what do my friends really think of me?
“Burn” by Eric’s Trip (yikes)

20. do people secretly lust after me?
“Hypnotize Me” by Jeremy Joseph (I fuckin’ KNEW IT, Jeremy!)

21. how can I make myself happy?
“Call Me Up” by Gang of Four
22. what should I do with my life?
“Today” by Smashing Pumpkin (Billy, unhelpful as usual)

23. will I ever have children?
“Fuck Authority” by Raw Power (uh…)

24. what is some good advice for me?
”The Chill is On” by Big Joe Turner (yeah, relax relax)

25. how will I be remembered?
“Ever is Over All” by Pipilotti Rist

26. what is my signature dancing song?
“Wrecking Now” by GBV

27. what is my current theme song?
“Oklahoma, USA” by Yo La Tengo

28. what does everyone else think my current theme song is?
“Naturescent” by TRS 80

29. what type of women do I like?
“Rape Me” by Richard Cheese (Oh my fucking god. I don’t even know what to say.)

30. what type of men do I like?
“Last Days of Disco” by Yo La Tengo (what a finale)