let's get crunk

dear friends,

it’s friday. I’m going to be at the delancey tonight from 7:30 until 11:45 for this:

Jezebel Music Presents Bands 9/29/06

why? I booked it. so you know the bands are fly. $8 admission, $3 beers from 7:30 to 8:30, $6 beer + shot special from 9:30 - 10:30.

also, come check out dj earfarm who will be spinning before & between bands. he probably won’t be able to resist sexybackin’ at some point so put your friday party pants on & come on out!


love, d

ps dzusa has a gig tomorrow in brooklyn, have no idea where or when but it probably gives that information on the draculazombieusa my space page. I'll try & update this later when my brain returns.

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Bounder and a Cad

Hey yo hey,

Long time no see, dudes.

So I was in some pub hanging out with Paul, the new Brit specimen from GEOS (local English school) when AMAGAWA (River of Heaven) started playing on the radio.

"Oh, I know this song!" Paul said. "That band was on Pop Jam the other day. Who were they? Crazy...crazy something....?"

"What did they look like?" I wanted to know.

"They had the most impressive afros."

"That would be the Crazy Ken Band."

They surface every now and again. On TV commercials. On talk shows. They're one of the mega-bands with 11 odd members and a brass outfit. They're something slightly akin to Tokyo Ska Paradise if TSP were inclined to hip-hop. Crazy Ken combines the likes of rap group m-flo with a tad of ska, maybe some salsa and a killa shamisen. Throw in the crusty, closing-the-bar croon of Crazy Ken himself and you've got yourself a hell of an operation. He's so Vegas and seedy. His voice smells like 50 years of cigarette smoke. It makes me want to recline on velvet, leer and carress diamonds.

Haven't had time to listen to much lately. Been so busy and today was one of those days I just wanted to sleep. If you don't like people then this job ain't for you. Fortunately, I like people 90% of the time. On the days that I don't, I just kind of stumble through and improvise. I teach elementary school kids now. There is no end to the love but there is a definite cap on my energy. Feel good music is in order. Today as I tried to get a group of stony-faced 10 year olds happy and clapping to the Cat Empire's "Hello Hello" (a recent standard on my self-introduction mixes), the CD player crapped out and there we were stuck playing hot potato with no tuneage. Fortunately, I am resourceful and don't mind being ridiculed.

Thus the game continued with me jumping about like my ass had caught fire and clapping to a bellowed rendition of Spitz's "Ai no Shirushi".

Speaking of Spitz, holy crap dudes, some Brit band (no idea who) translated and covered Spitz's first hit, "Robinson". Ah, this song practically begs for a Brit accent. It's like a first bite of PBJ after 20 odd years of abstinence. Go here to have a listen:


Speaking of Brits, I've been listening to THE CAT EMPIRE and THE KAISER CHIEFS a lot for some reason. CAT EMPIRE makes me smile.

Oh yeah, back in the day I heard a Japanese chick who sounded an awful lot like Macy Gray who had a voice I liked a lot more. The song was catchy. Even Tavie kinda liked it and I always figure if Tavie likes something, it has to be good cuz there's some kinda wacky big sister approval vibe going on in my psyche even though that's total jive.

Anyway, back to the singer. Her name is Bonnie Pink and I love taking long baths with "He" in the background.

Songs to Seek: CRAZY KEN BAND Amagawa, Life is Beautiful, Yoru no Vibrate (実演!夜のヴィブラート), SPITZ Robinson, BONNIE PINK It's Gonna Rain/He/Inu to Tsuki (Dog and the Moon 犬と月)/Evil and Flowers

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nothing in this world

dear friends,

1. morning

yesterday, for breakfast, I ate one boiled egg & two large coffees. remember this dull detail.

2. evening

beg yr pardon #9 aka my birthday party was amazing. I don't care what other places were telling you about where you should've been instead*, I wouldn't have been anywhere else. thank you so much for coming out, friends old & new. it was wonderful to see you all!

3. thank you djs!

sheila b started off the night & played a fabulous set of 60's pop. I boogied from my door perch & wished I could speak french so I could understand all those ye ye song lyrics. rachael underrated & jeff k cage matched for the rest of the night & it was a perfect blend of complimentary styles. extra special thanks to jeff k for being such a good sport as I heckled him mercilessly & also, for playing ring the alarm. you, sir, are the best.

4. thank you bands!

tiny masters of today were felled by bronchitis so they didn't get to play. ivan, I hope you're feeling better!

the vandelles played first & won themselves a number of brand new fans with their tremolo & feedback drenched ditties about love & other things of import. I love that surfin' jamc sound so I was blissed out, doing an alarming & involuntary to & fro shimmy. thank you vandelles! you were wonderful.

if you missed them because you were at one of the other five trillion shows, do yourself a favor & catch them at pianos this sunday, september 30th.

then dzusa! I can't really say anything about something I'm part of but hey! o'death liked us & that makes me happy. what also makes me happy is how great my co-dzusa folks are. they are the shiz.

o'death. wowza. they fill me with a fire. they make me wanna climb trees & make my own liquor. not at the same time but maybe after a reasonable distance. they holler, break strings with the sheer ferocity of their playing, their drummer chews on his cymbals (I didn't see him do this but I'm sure he does, I saw bite marks!) & the violinist is definitely looking for a soul to steal. they play tonight with the wonderful the big sleep at the spiegeltent. go check them out! or if you don't, check 'em out at goodbye blue monday on friday, october 6th. those guys are busy. busy being badass. do not miss them!

5. thank you friends!

I have a lot of you! how cool is that? I got some great presents! thank you! I will eat, listen, read & wear everything. & in the case of contributor therese's monkey in a monkey in a monkey tchotchke, laugh myself silly over it every night. you are fantastic.

6. thank you monkey!

j decided to lose his mind & try his hand at being an exec producer & got a few of my friends to cover & record some of my favorite songs. on the sly. I knew he was being shady & had my suspicions but when he didn't hand anything over on the 25th, I thought I must've guessed wrong. sneaky simian!

I have a lot to say about my covers cd but I shan't until we can put up the mp3s. when that happens, I will provide track by track commentary in many, many awkward & effusive paragraphs. as for the tracklisting, there's some my bloody valentine, pavement (two tracks!), richard thompson, the smiths, the kinks & OF COURSE, the ubiquitous gnarls barkley. pretty hot stuff.

7. night/morning

later, after getting home & listening to my cd & purring on j's sleeping form, my stomach suddenly made an alarming krakatoa-like rumble. I had forgotten to eat. I am an ass. a lucky one.

love, d

* crimes against grammar daily here at soft communication! whoo!

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lordy, lordy

dear friends,

I am AMPED. no, that's a lie. I am tired. I spent most of the night watching a really bizarre docudrama about krakatoa which coincidentally I used to be obsessed with when I was a child thanks to a book called 21 balloons*.

but I digress, I will be AMPED because tonight's beg yr pardon will be a bangin', ragin' SITUATION. much like diddy's face.

this guy is my favorite bloggity blog crankypants. go read what he has to say about tonight's headliner, o'death. hint: it's complimentary.

later bitchaz!

love, d

* we had to do this bizarre 21 balloons themed picnic in elementary school. luckily, or perhaps sadly in this case, there was no lava.

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he knows how many freckles she's got

dear friends,

today is my birthday. I love birthdays. I do. I don't get all those bah humbug birthday haters. even if I was turning 5000 (which come to think of it, I am) I would still be doing a little dance of me. because I love myself, word.

my birthday party is tomorrow at the delancey, the rest of the beg yr pardon folks have been kind enough to present this fête, billed as BYP #9. I'm a little terrified. & also excited. I have never had a birthday party with bands playing before & I can tell you, that's some kind of feverish high school dream come to life. where do I go from here? I need to start visualising greater spectacles for myself & wishing them into existence.

2. when I was a youngster, I saw this video late one night (I never slept) & it was another example of "I've never heard anyone that sounds like that, OH MY GOD, who is that?" etc... I became obsessed with this band, particularly their singer, who sounded like the freakin' FUTURE, & consequently had mi mamí take me & my cousin to see them at jones beach for my first rock concert ever! it was my birthday present that year. & it was awesome. my moms rules.

birthday/the sugarcubes

apparently, they've kinda reunited. maybe I'll get to see them again...

(starts daydreaming)

love, d

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cheer up you miserable fuck

I saw this British guy named David Ford open for Aimee Mann on Saturday night. He wore a little hat and did some lovely things with a loop machine, building and layering sounds so he only had to play a riff once, and he got a very intense look on his face when he shook his little percussive egg which I found to be more comical than he probably intentioned.

I think he was a little too earnest and emotional* for me to be able to take most days. I like a little more irony and a little more wordplay, because I am a nerd, but there was a charming, self-effacing Britishness to him that pleased me; anyway, he sang one song that I'm pretty sure he stole directly from my head, in that every single solitary word of it was something that I've been saying to myself for months and months on end. The song's called Cheer Up You Miserable Fuck.

Again, I'm not certain if I was taken enough with him to buy his album, and listening to his songs on his website, I was struck by how much more interesting they were in person when he was scrambling around, pushing buttons and playing into a tiny piano and determinedly shaking his egg, but still, I do like that song. I think I'll put it on my Depression Mix.

*There's a word for this but I'm not qualified to label people's music.

Oh, yeah, I don't think it's right for me to displace D's message on her own blog. I'll repost it so it's on the top, as is proper: Go to Beg Yr Pardon#9 on Tuesday or you'll get beat up by small, intuitive women with fists of steel.

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have people shakin', shakin' my hand

dear friends,

1. because I am overworked, I'm going to post ALMOST EXACTLY the same thing I have up on the beg yr pardon site.

2. the next BYP party, #9 to be exact, will also double as my birthday party. what does this mean? that in addition to the baked goods, bonhomie & streamers you've come to expect from our little basement party, the festivities are gonna be taken up a few notches. the bands are fabulous. the decorations will be extra junior prom'd OUT. & I? I will be....merrier than usual*.

the details:

tuesday, september 26, beg yr pardon #9 aka my birthday fest 3000 at the delancey (168 delancey st. btw clinton & attorney)

7:30 doors, 8:00 start time

$5 to get in. your cash will get you 4 bands, baked goods, $5 all you can eat bbq (with vegetarian options) on the roof from 7-9, 3 awesome djs, the opportunity to make fun of my "singing" & FREE BEER from 11:30 to 12:30.

the bands:

8:00 tiny masters of today

"Anyone who thinks attitude is underrated in rock 'n roll should cast an eye in the direction of pint-sized garage-rockers, Tiny Masters Of Today. With their debut three-track EP, brother-and-sister duo Ivan and Ada showcase just how far you can go with a handful of chords and a boatload of sass."
-Drowned in Sound

ada and ivan have never been married and are actually brother and sister. they are also 10 and 12 respectively, sell their 7" in europe and the amazing russell simins (blues explosion) is their live drummer. don't be a hatah, we can't all be prodigies. they're fantastic. come check them out.

9:00 the vandelles

"Acts like the Vandelles keep one foot in pre-psychedelic surf rock while remaining true to the shoegazer movement of the 1990s."

the vandelles are like the jesus & mary chain fronted by a good looking california bike gang. sweet stuff.

10:00 draculazombieusa

"The band name has a sort of lovable B movie feel to it. And so does the music...Fun loving and danceable indie electronica pop."
-Mystery & Misery

o'death requested draculazombieusa for tonight's festivities. I don't think they were aware I'm one of the members. oops! dzusa (east coast annex) is like cheerleaders plus dance bleats plus live drumming. we want you to dance but won't yell at you if you can't. just don't be surprised when you're molested by a large man in a sweater vest.

11:00 o'death

"The O'death sound: Imagine a slightly disturbing blend of old-world Appalachian folk music crossed with Tom Waits fronting a modern-rock/folk band. Insanity works for the band, and it's clearly captured on the album."
-An Aquarium Drunkard

o'death is the best live act around. fah reals. hootenanny guarantee.

the djs:

sheila b (7:30-9:30)
jeff k vs rachael underrated (9:30-12:30)

if you're like me, someone that shamelessly trolls the internet looking for quality music reads, then do yourself a favor & follow our dj's links.

the poster (courtesy of alec longstreth):

yes, I know all the kool kids wanna go see grizzly bear that night. that don't mean you can't come before or after the show, right? if you're going to behave irresponsibly on a tuesday, this is the tuesday to do it. come wish me a good one.

3. see? I meant it.

4. elsewhere on the web, rachael underrated & contributor mary, dzusa member & ruined music doyenne, urge you to come out to BYP #9 too, only with more finesse.

5. I went to see the big sleep last night, bought a cd, & was generally WAY too happy to hear aaliyah being used as pre-show music**. alas, I didn't feel well & they had a late start so I didn't catch the whole set. it's a shame 'cause I was into that shiz. came home & found the monkey (who couldn't attend because he had to erm, shop for my birthday present) clicking away at his laptop & listening to the saint-saëns cello concerto #1 in a minor on the radio. I suddenly remembered my mannes music school friend**, sari, who did that very same piece when she graduated. I hope she's still playing, she was fantastic.

6. here's some live big sleep on you tube...

brown beauty (live)/the big sleep

have a good weekend, get some rest, see you on tuesday. I wanna party like it's 1999.

love, d

* the kind of merry that occurs when your have own personal bottle of fauxpagne

** you don't believe me? ask stereoactive nyc, I was standing next to him, going "babygirl! better known as aaliyah! give me goosebumps & high fevahs! making playa hatahs believahs! babygirl! better tell somebody!" etc, etc.

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made words out of sound

dear friends,

1. I am going to see the big sleep at mercury lounge tonight. I can't really write about 'em until I give their new album, son of the tiger, the deep listen but if you need a preview, go here & stream it.

2. on a semi-related tangent, whenever I hear the name, the big sleep, I think of the howard hawks film with bogie & bacall & of one scene in particular. in it, bogart's character, detective philip marlowe, runs into a book store to escape the rain & dig up some dirt*. after some testy then flirty give & take with a spectacles sportin, brown hair pinned back, very young dorothy malone (looking oddly like alicia silverstone) they smoothly glide into what looks like a quickie book store romp. jigga huh? that's right. no strings sex with a woman who underneath the ultra-dowd is smoking & ready to go. she puts the "closed" sign up & everything. post-hays code**! this scene is catnip for folks (you know who you are) who really, really subscribe to the sexy librarian archetype. & yeah, the rest of the film is pretty good too. go rent it now!

2. the comas are on tonight's bill as well. I like them so I wrote about 'em once. every time I've tried to see them in the past, there is a cancellation, or idol is on, or my a.s. goes beserker at the last minute. I will catch them tonight. oh yes. I will. you come too?

love, d

* that's not a mixed metaphor. I don't even know what that sentence is. but I know some sort of crime is being committed.

** one of the hays code regulations: "adultery and illicit sex, although recognized as sometimes necessary to the plot, could not be explicit or justified and were not supposed to be presented as an attractive option." oops.

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How'd you miss them?

Dear Friends,

1. The Grates at Pianos, long version

If you were say, 7 years-old and you just moved to some rural town, the kid you'd most want to see peering through your fence is the gangly, grinning Patience Hodgson of The Grates. Granted, she's the lead singer of a Rock & Roll band and not a child, but much of her charm as a performer is that quality of enthusiasm and instant familiarity that marks the best kind of friends and conspirators you can meet and love early in life. Mischievous eyes, humorous rambling anecdotes, jumping around like her flats had springs; she's a veritable indie rock Pippy Longstocking. She is so winning that the folks at their Pianos show, many of them clearly seeing The Grates for the first time, had a delighted and stunned look of "I love her!" Like any good welcoming committee, Hodgson made sure to shine the spotlight on her equally down-to-earth co-Grates throughout the night, whether it was by waxing rhapsodic about drummer Alana Skyring's puppy dog expressions or guitarist John Patterson's excellent pantomime of a drunken couple making out. The Grates wanted to you to be their friends and I loved that the audience (mostly) acquiesced.

But what about the music? Well, I had heard their debut album, Gravity Won't Get You High, and wasn't quite won over. It sounded muddy and unfinished in a way that wouldn't hold up to repeated listens. But when you only have one record to base your opinions on, I think the real clincher is the live show. In this case, I am so glad I put my misgivings aside. Take for example, their song Sukkafish, which on record has a bleating repetitiveness, was totally transformed live. It had a larger, more majestic sound. Hodgson's vocals rang out over the repetitions, which instead of being tinny, grew and grew in grandeur until the song had the quality of a triumphant traditional. Like a marching song or to those indie types who don't know what the hell I mean, something like Rise by Public Image Ltd? I figured if they could take a song I felt kinda bleh about on record and make me reconsider my opinion, how will I feel about the worthier numbers? Things looked promising.

Lone guitarist (and occasional harmony vocalist) Patterson handled the dynamics expertly, mostly by not sticking to straight guitar lines and switching frequently to guitar as bass low end parts that make songs like 19 20 20 less like straight garage punk and more like dance pop. Frequently with drum/guitar/vocals trios*, the arrangements get ho-hum but their set list was well ordered and the changes seemed organic and not awkward. Skyring stomps away with a look of determination that's hilariously at odds with her cutie pie face; all bowl cut bob, chubby red cheeks and brown button eyes. As stated previously, Hodgson doesn't have anything to worry about on the charisma front. Given her ridiculous amount of magnetism she could easily get away with squawking like a parrot, the audience would still adore her. She doesn't though; her voice is way more malleable and impressive live than on the album. It goes from quasi operatic soprano to punky shriek to something pleasantly pop-like in between depending on the song. Hodgson sings her lyrics, goofy socio-sexual observations with a child-like slant (lots of commands and goodbyes,) with quivering feeling. And since those feelings aren't of the overly earnest sort, that theatrical sincerity doesn't...well, grate**. She's cheeky and clever but her delivery lets you know that she's fully aware that her sentiments might be a little misguided. In that sense she's kind of like a female foil to that other wry proto-music hall star, Eddie Argos. Wow. What a duet that would make.

My favorite moment of the night was when Hodgson, admittedly doing something she does every night, asked the crowd to part for her, "Like Moses and the Red Sea." She covered her face with her hands, asked her bandmates,"Did they?" and when they replied in the negative, came out and divided that Pianos audience in half by pushing everyone one way or the other, peppering her activity with chipper sorries. After she had her middle swath, she took her microphone stand, planted it in the crowd and sang the ballad Rock Boys while un-spooling a pink gymnast ribbon over the audience’s head in slow moving ripples. Something about the way the lights hit, the faces of the people surrounding her, some lost in it, some looking terrified at possibly being hit by fabric, Patterson and Skyring onstage smiling away, was so lovely that it transcended the stage schtick. In fact, when the guitar and drums went into their big churn in the middle break, and Hodgson just danced, around and around with her ribbon, it was quietly transcendent. I completely forgot I was in a bar. I was reminded why I go to rock shows. To have those moments where you move to music as if nobody’s looking and there's nothing more perfect.

The setlist:

Wash Me
Start Her Up
Lies (Are Much More Fun)
Feels Like Pain
Seek Me
The Message
19 20 20
Rock Boys
Little People
Inside Outside
Science is Golden

2. The Grates at Pianos, short version

The Grates put on a superb live show. Patience Hodgson could sell you the Brooklyn Bridge. Run, don't walk, to see them when they come to your town. Befriend them on My Space.

3. Other takes on that show

Merry Swankster (Jeff K. Swankster has ribbon footage! And a new mate!)

Music Snobbery

Lost at E Minor

Fiddle While You Burn

Love, D

* There was an additional keyboardist on hand who would sneak on and offstage throughout the set for a song or two. His playing was much like his stage presence: stealthy.

** Sorry folks. You knew the bad pun would rear its ugly head.

Band to see live: The Grates

Song to seek: Lies are much more fun

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we were two 'til we melted down

dear friends,

1. promises, promises

I know what I promised but I didn't foresee the weekend of computer woes & medical blehs that I wound up having. I will say this: my review of the grates show at pianos is done & it will be posted tomorrow. come back & check it out.

2. of independence & partners in non-crime

september 18th is a special day. it is chilean independence day! woo! viva chile!

ALSO, it is also the monkey's birthday.

jeremy guitar

happy birthday jeremy! you're my thrill.

love, d



no words, just groove

dear friends,

1. because saying I'm going to do something usually ensures I do it, I'm telling you that there will be a review of the grates show at pianos posted here on monday. for reals. the short version: it was great! (buh-dump bump chhhhh) if you are impatient, I say take a periodic glance at merry swankster. jeff k & his eagle eyes were there as well so perhaps he can tell you about the fun first.

2. because I am simple, I found it damn near impossible to get through this post, though what I could make of it made me snicker in snarky agreement. go read it.

3. because I am a hot-tempered, rice & bean lovin' stereotype, my bronx accent started coming out MAD strong last night while watching survivor: race wars. I was finger snappin' & no, they didn't-ing all over the place. & yes, for next week's preview they showed footage of one of my latino brethren taking a "siesta." (buries face in hands)

of course, they did their hoodoo on me 'cause I'm probably gonna watch this show for the first time ever. mark burnett, you are one fiendishly clever caucasian.

4. speaking of the bronx, ESG is playing tonight at the hook. the monkey's band is opening. crazy, eh? it's a steep ticket price but it should be well worth the complimentary bus trip to the venue.

5. because if you don't know, now you know

UFO (live)/ESG

love, d

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Beg Yr Pardon is Still Truckin'

My apartment reeks of peanut butter. It's slightly ridiculous, but I think I perfected the soft peanut butter cookie. Which will be having its debut at Beg Yr Pardon tonight, along with the normal brownies and free beer and, oh yeah, some kickass bands. Be there.

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don't know why you lay me out to follow (revised)

dear friends,

1. donate! listen!

this saturday morning at 10AM I'm going to be nervously sitting next to the fetching colleen aka matilda von crumbcake to take part in her radio show, sandy acres sound lab on east village radio. I will be terrified, say umm a lot, my accent will pop out in unexpected ways, stutter, make up total lies about artists (i.e. e.g.* "yes, I heard david bowie once went to antarctica to study penguin movements. for the um...heathen tour.") & play some songs. I have never been on the radio but I know that my voice bleating out of my own answering machine terrifies me. so it should go pretty well I think! listen to the show on saturday & laugh. or cry.

while we are on the subject of sandy acres sound lab, because radio shows on evr needs to supply their own sponsors, colleen is looking to you, music fans for donations. go read about it here. she's not asking for a lot but if you're on the fence about the giving, listen to one of her archived shows because that should definitely nudge you in the right direction. I got paid today so I'm giving up some cash. I hear there's a mix in it for me. I love mixes! donate!

2. heated hatahs!

over on fluxblog, mr. flux waxed rhapsodic over the new album by beyoncé. you all know how I loves me some beyoncé & having heard some of b'day, I concur. if you're up for it, go over there, read the post, & if you do, DEFINITELY read the crazy ass comments. if you have something to throw in the conversation do so. I know I can't because everytime I try to formulate an intelligent retort to all the rockist bullshit it turns into something like "UGH! SHUT UP WHITE DUDES!" & that's not helping anyone. I'll leave the race baiting to "survivor: race wars!" besides, I'm not a racist. most of my friends are white dudes.

while we are on the subject of those post comments, part one: björk collaborating with beyoncé? yes, please! can that happen in time for christmas!?!?! that would be unbelievable goodness.

while we are on the subject of those post comments, part two: alicia keys is not better than beyoncé. I've heard/ownned miss keys' albums so trust me, this opinion isn't based on a 1001 listens of fallin'.

3. friday videos!

science is golden/the grates

wash me (live)/the grates

while we are on the subject of the grates, I will be catching this band at pianos next wednesday. they've come from far away so if you're free, you should be there to say hi.

love, d

* because I am a paranoid narcissist, I'm not sure if this was a subtle jab directed at me or mere coincidence. either way, I figured I'd better correct myself before I got my hand smacked with a ruler. my apologies to all youse who paid attention in skool.

band to see live: the grates

radio show to donate to: sandy acres sound lab on east village radio

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sweet city woman waiting to spar*

dear friends,

I wasn't playing when I said I was busy. went to belmar, nj last stormy weekend with the monkey. on our first night we wandered around in the dark (blackout on main street) until we found somewhere to eat & as we tucked into our salty fare, felt glad we'd gotten out of dodge, storm or no.

I was in charge of the music to & from new york which means the poor man had to listen to some things he wished never existed. he is a good sport, that's why we're a pair. here are three of those selections...

1. check on it/beyoncé

when I first saw this video, a whiles back, I was extremely disappointed that it did not feature beyoncé in a pink panther costume** (it was on the soundtrack to the pink panther remake) & I think that colored my judgement of the song somewhat. I finally purchased it off of itunes on friday & having heard its pitter patter sing song majesty blaring on the goethals bridge, I can say it is genius!

beyoncé is so skilled at putting together pop songs that you only have to hear once, in a passing car no less, to have their catchy melodies burrow deeply into your skull & set up house there. I'm intrigued by the song's message. namely, "I am very sexy, so sexy that 'you watch me in amazement,' but watching is all you should be doing if you want a piece of this later because I am a bodacious yet discreet, LADY. got that?" because I am a believer that every demographic deserves their very own pop anthem, I'm glad classy dancefloor exhibitionists & the voyeurs that love them finally got theirs. it's blazin'.

do me a favor, hit play, don't watch the video & observe how the chorus will slowly take over your day. there you'll be, at the water cooler, humming it under your breath.

2. rattled by the rush/pavement

worse video ever. best second song on an album ever. oh, screw the superlatives. I love wowee zowee, it's probably held onto favorite record status longer than anything I've ever listened to because it provides fresh moments of OH! everytime I return to it.

I selected this tune on a stormy white-out stretch of jersey turnpike because I was nervous & singing along to things calms me down. of course, this is the one song where I will screech/sing along to THE GUITAR SOLO (starts around 2:25) because it is such masterful malkmusian splendor. the build, the build & the blatant mistakes coming together to sound like it was MEANT, until it is.

it's true though, don't watch the video, just listen & wait for that solo.

3. whole lotta love/tina turner

I heard this a long time ago & dismissed it as one of those ill-conceived r&b goes rock covers. then dj danny (from fabulous local band, the big sleep) played this at beg yr pardon as the "floor killer"*** & I heard it with fresh ears. I duly went out & purchased it, & threw that in the on the road playlist.

the drums start it off, slinky & laid back. the famous riff, albeit simplified, is given over to the bass & that's followed by this acid keyboard entering on a muted WEEEEEEEEAAAAH. add strings & some wakka chikka wakka wah wah guitar for a little more groove building, then SHE comes in. aaaaw yeah. all hail tina turner. she is everything robert plant ever aspired to be as a vocalist & more. in this rendition, the lyrics become such a ragin' expression of sexuality that it makes plant sound like a heavy metal parking lot lothario named bobby. turner doesn't change a lyric, she just rides it. j looked perplexed at her choice of keeping in the line "I'm gonna give you EVERY INCH of my love" & I countered by saying she means every inch of TINA TURNER, & with that body & voice, that means way more than whatever tin foiled wrapped cucumber planty had in his trousers. listen when she whispers "give it to me" during the break it down section towards the end. she just schooled ya.

love, d

* see, I always thought malkmus was singing "SLEEK city woman waiting to spar" but apparently, this is wrong? humph.

** long story.

*** I am constantly amused by what our guest djs consider "floor killers" i.e. the song that clears the room. I don't know if it's the chosen selections, our crowd, or the fact that it comes so close to the free beer but THEY NEVER WORK. people keep on dancing. in this case, it actually brought people downstairs! sigh.

songs to seek: check on it/beyoncé, rattled by the rush/pavement, whole lotta love/tina turner

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can't let you go

dear friends,

I only watched this thing for one reason but of course I get sucked into it until the bitter end. below are some thoughts I had while watching the 2006 mtv music awards.

justin timberlake pops & locks in silhouette. I'm pretty sure some of those moves are from step up. perhaps its the same choreographer. he is joined by a woman wearing a strange french mime waitress outfit (seriously, black & white with an apron type thing, a beret...& a sports bra? I'm not sure how that fits in. maybe timberlake promotes healthy backs as well as sexy ones.) & timbaland, who shuffles on looking funereal. what happened to the tank top outfit he wore in that nelly furtado video?

during one point in the song where timberland timberlake sings something about buying drinks, the french waitstaff MIME DRINKING. wow. maybe it wasn't the step up choreographer.

I'm not feeling this song. I prefer timberlake when he's being a pity party seeking stalker. cameron diaz needs to start treating him mean.

jack black delivers a lame opening bit. in it, a bathrobe clad timberlake says something about black's dressing room needing shelves. this bit is so coming back*. like the sexy. (sorry, it's just so cheap & easy.)

the raconteurs! doing white light/white heat! with lou reed!

ok, excitement is over. not only was that a painfully truncated rendition but the mummified-looking reed stumbled over the words to his own song & I started daydreaming about how awesome it would have been to have art brut storm the stage, & pelt the raconteurs with eggs while screaming "WHITE LIGHT! WHITE HEAT!"

it turns out that the raconteurs are the house band for the night. hmmm. an interesting idea. but it will fail because if they had any kind of sense they would've closed with that song instead of starting with it. plus jack white seems strangely muted tonight. I like it when he turns on his inner carny. I blame the blue, brown, & green "raconteurs" palette.

lil' kim needs to get a new stylist. & a make-up artist. STAT. even the purple bathtub flower was preferable to that hideous corset.

andre 3000 shows up in an outfit best described as trucker meets joan crawford. trucker hat & shiny red riding boots. I love that man. I've been waiting for someone to bring his style aesthetic to hip hop. now, if only he'd go back to doing it. ooh BURN! just playin' andre.

there's some dull ludacris/pharrell number where a dancer wearing those gold pants from american apparel falls but then recovers. good save! the pussycat dolls show up at the end of the number for no apparent reason 'cept maybe to look fly.

I don't know. I'm kinda loving that buttons song. & it's not 'cause the video is full of writhing strippers, it's that weird normal singing to fake opera slide on the part where the one that actually sings (none of the other ones seem to do anything other than undulate) goes "(normal) baby, can't you (fake opera slide) SEEEEEEE-IH!/(normal) these clothes are fitting on (fake opera slide) MEEEEEEE-IH!" what the hell is that? who thought of it? I like that. I sing it in the shower & make it even weirder. yma sumac stylee.

I'm sorry. sarah silverman doesn't do it for me. though that stuff about jimmy kimmel & her nana's brisket was funny. but that was a long time ago. they're probaby grooming her to host next year.

* * *

brief d & j conversational snippet

j: whoa! he's still alive!

d: (simultaneously) he's not dead!

j: what happened to his hair?

d: what's his name again, chuck norris?

j: JOHN norris.

d: that's too bad. his hair is atrocious. he looks exactly the same though. huh. chuck norris IS dorian gray.

j: (laughing) JOHN norris.

d: whatever.

* * *

snoop comes on drinking gin & juice & says that sometimes he feels "like a real old g, nephew." that's deep uncle.

finally! some performaaaang**. courtesy of miss beyonce of course. I had not heard this song, ring the alarm, but I love it! it's so angry & unhinged! is jay-z dogging b? or is it..."songwriting?" who cares! beyonce is wearing an outfit inspired by angelina jolie's mrs. smith dominatrix outfit & a coat inspired by mcgruff the crime dog. it kind of works but I'm concerned about beyonce's legs. with those heels & that camelhair length...oh my god. I'm becoming tim gunn. beyonce is joined by similarly garbed dancers & the rhythm nation returns! I know, I KNOW she'll get dogged for this but I loved the psycho car driven in stick choreography. that was hot. if I were as old as when I first started watching this show, I would totally learn that & do it at home for my mom before dinner.

more sarah silverman. yawn. I think jack black's been on a few times again. I've ignored him.

all american rejects? meh.

an award for ringtone of the year? wow. that's pretty bad.

I enjoyed the panic! at the disco number. because while I'm not a fan of that bleating style of singing that's so popular with the trl crowd nowadays, I appreciated that the lead singer, who can't be more than 20 years-old TOPS, is totally working a jonathan rhys meyers in velvet goldmine vibe. lots of eyeliner, goose-stepping feyness & theatricality. they should ask todd haynes to direct their next video & go WAY glam. & WAY gay. that would be fabulous.

I find it interesting that child actress abigail breslin from little miss sunshine couldn't pronounce the word "avenged" when she presented an award but she still seemed waaaay smarter than jessica "hooked on phonics" simpson.

other stuff happened. christina aguilera sang a ballad & tried to pass dynamics as real feelings. sorry honey, I don't buy it. billy gibbons from zz top joined the raconteurs for one of his songs. j-lo wore a silver beanie & looked wan, as if marc anthony's been slowly sucking out all her sangre. missy elliott got stuck in a little car in the hype williams tribute (which they really could've done something with but didn't, was mace not available?) & showed way more chemistry with timbaland than he did earlier in the night with timberlake.

& yes, my friend andy performed the treadmill dance with his cronies in ok go. he didn't fall, none of them did. though the drummer seemed to have a shoe issue at one point. I sensed real commitment & style from a-ross, particularly in the captain's sign off move that's done on top of the handles at one point. great job kid. you done good. I'm proud of you!

love, d

ps almost forgot! favorite couch comment of the night, courtesy of j: "when did jordan catalano become a douche?"

* yup, they did. though if I were directing this, timberlake would've installed more ambitious shelving. & re-done the whole room in pastels.

** shakira & wyclef did a number before that. I have never liked shakira's voice. trust me, even when she sings in spanish it sounds like she's deaf &/or a seal. still, she usually has no problem projecting & last night it sounded like she was singing into a tin can. perhaps someone in the sound department shares my feelings?

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