I've been there once

Dear friends,

1. DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU WATCH LOST BUT FOR SOME INSANE REASON MADE A PACT NOT TO WATCH THE FINALE UNTIL LATER THIS WEEK

Oh Lost. You did not give me pirates. The rapidly diminishing boar population issue was not addressed. Michael still won't stop saying "MY BOY!". No better clarification as to why Eko carries that Eko stick* than "He's a priest." Huh? Sorry well-paid tv writers, all the priests I've known we're stick-free so please understand my confusion.

Despite this, I thoroughly enjoyed the Lost finale (even though I spent its first hour scuttling back and forth from the bedroom and the living room so I could see Prince!?! With twin back-up singers?!? On the American Idol finale. That's right, I have no Tivo) Of course there are still more questions! QUESTIONS even! Here's some thoughts...

- The use of my favorite Boz, Our Mutual Friend as a plot device. Whilst I realize that the writer/producers chose this tome 'cause of John Irving or somesuch saying they're gonna read it on their death bed, I wonder if they realize how much that particular novel has in common with the Lost's preoccupations. No, not polar bears or psychologists but the wacky coincidental ties shared by a group of people striving to better their lot in life because of or despite their backgrounds. Of course, this is a pathetic summary of the novel's themes, especially since one of the books "heroes", Eugene Wrayburn, THE proto-slacker, has no inclination towards betterment AT ALL but eventually redeems himself all thanks to a good beat down by a psychotic teacher named Mr. Headstone. Now if only Eko had hit John Locke a little harder...

- Desmond better not be dead 'cause if they're going for this whole Odysseus thing, he needs to stick around for another few years. How many years was it? 17? I can't remember my classics. This is why I watch so much tv.

- The British actress playing Penelope was the Sally character in NBC's godawful attempt to re-make Coupling. Way to go! Save that career. Notice how at the end, she still had Desmond's picture on her night table and the random Portuguese guys chilling at the South/North? Pole called her Miss Widmore, as in, she never married after all? Then, how after she hung up the phone, she walked over to her closet, took out her loom and dismantled all her work?

- I hope they'll explain the whole eagle that says Hurley's name thing at some point. I'm rather annoyed that they tease us with the prospect of some crazy zoological shiz but then the polar bears go missing, so do the boars and instead we get...Black Beauty?!? Where did that horse go?

- Speaking of tease, where are the psychics and clairvoyants?

- Notice the dock where the Losties four were being held by the Others was called Pala Ferry? And if you're as geekily prone to noticing detail as I am, do you recall that the orientation film for The Pearl advised those working there to go to the ferry where you will be taken back (tape cut) after your eight hour shift? Hmmm? Is there an island nearby perhaps? With a Hyatt? Serving those nastly little pink tropical hooch smoothies? I think so!

- Was that an 8, or an eternity symbol on the hatch on The Others' faux hillbilly village? Was that on the black light map? Damn, I wish I still had that screensaver. I guess that's minus 5 dork points.

- I don't think Henry Gale is their leader. He's way too short. Trust me.

- I say everyone needs to go back to four-toed beach. That moment was very Planet Of The Apes. How awesome would it be if a race of giant four-toed sloth people came out with a flag? Get your your claws off of me, you damned mossy sloth! But I digress...

- Libby should never, ever rock a page boy.

- Every time Desmond and his scraggly 90's grunge hair-do came on, I sang Evenflow by Pearl Jam with full Eddie Vedder vibrato. Is that bad of me? I kept expecting him to bust out with that weird Shakespearean "Hey nonny, nonny" that comes on at the end.

- Claire is so useless. The writers will rue the day they ever dreamed up that whole "your baby must be raised by you and no one else" thing. Seriously. The girl is gorgeous but her acting seems to consist of looking like she ate bad clams or smiling to disguise the fact that she ate bad clams.

- Having cleverly (and obviously, temporarily) dispatched a trio of alphas to the hostile side of the island, does this mean that new type a folks will rise to take over leadership?

2. DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU HAVE AN ISSUE WITH THE INSTITUTION OF MARRIAGE

I went to see my friends George and Jessica get married on Sunday. The bride designed her own princess style ball gown. The groom wrote his own jokes (at least I think he did, I've always suspected he has a writer on retainer. Too quick with the comeback quip, that Flanagan!) Later that night, because as well as being crazy in love, they are just plain ole crazy, the bride and groom performed at Galapagos (with their drummer, Dan K aka "Thundertubs") as El Jezel. 2 sets! That's stamina! My favorite moment, besides watching George look at Jessica with the goofiest and therefore loveliest adoringly open-mouthed smile as she sang a song to him in French**, was getting to watch El Jezel kick out the jams to their rollicking Michigan as scenes from Repo Man played in the background. Why is that a highlight? 'Cause George loves himself some Harry Dean Stanton so it couldn't have been more fitting.

Happy Wedding, George and Jess! I wish you guys much love!

Befriend el jezel on my space.

Buy their album (containing the aforementioned Michigan) HERE.

3. DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU DISAPPROVE OF IPOD DJ-ING***, DOWNLOADING OR MONKEYS

My Monkey got me some hard drive space 'cause our computer had so much music on it, it was consumptive and practically dead on a chaise lounge, tiny blood-stained hanky held daintily at its mouth. She's all better now! Which means I can now go back to downloading like mad. Whoo-hoo! Music bloggers watch out! I'm coming for your kids! I plan to use the spoils for when Contributor Jenny and I team up to DJ an upcoming Beg Yr Pardon party. I have promised Jenny I won't be annoyingly obscure. Ha ha ha. Best believe, I'll still try to slip a little Mo-Dettes in there.

Love, D

Song to seek (and band to clink your champagne glass for): Michigan/El Jezel

* Oz fans, can the Eko stick even compare to Adebisi's signature tiny hat?

** Does anyone know what song that was? I missed the intro!

*** Someone recently remarked to me that iPod DJ-ing was "an obscenity" which gave me pause. Friends (especially actual honest to goodness tastemaking vinyl-spinners such as Contributor Liz) and Soft Communication readers, what are your feelings on this?