can't let you go

dear friends,

I only watched this thing for one reason but of course I get sucked into it until the bitter end. below are some thoughts I had while watching the 2006 mtv music awards.

justin timberlake pops & locks in silhouette. I'm pretty sure some of those moves are from step up. perhaps its the same choreographer. he is joined by a woman wearing a strange french mime waitress outfit (seriously, black & white with an apron type thing, a beret...& a sports bra? I'm not sure how that fits in. maybe timberlake promotes healthy backs as well as sexy ones.) & timbaland, who shuffles on looking funereal. what happened to the tank top outfit he wore in that nelly furtado video?

during one point in the song where timberland timberlake sings something about buying drinks, the french waitstaff MIME DRINKING. wow. maybe it wasn't the step up choreographer.

I'm not feeling this song. I prefer timberlake when he's being a pity party seeking stalker. cameron diaz needs to start treating him mean.

jack black delivers a lame opening bit. in it, a bathrobe clad timberlake says something about black's dressing room needing shelves. this bit is so coming back*. like the sexy. (sorry, it's just so cheap & easy.)

the raconteurs! doing white light/white heat! with lou reed!

ok, excitement is over. not only was that a painfully truncated rendition but the mummified-looking reed stumbled over the words to his own song & I started daydreaming about how awesome it would have been to have art brut storm the stage, & pelt the raconteurs with eggs while screaming "WHITE LIGHT! WHITE HEAT!"

it turns out that the raconteurs are the house band for the night. hmmm. an interesting idea. but it will fail because if they had any kind of sense they would've closed with that song instead of starting with it. plus jack white seems strangely muted tonight. I like it when he turns on his inner carny. I blame the blue, brown, & green "raconteurs" palette.

lil' kim needs to get a new stylist. & a make-up artist. STAT. even the purple bathtub flower was preferable to that hideous corset.

andre 3000 shows up in an outfit best described as trucker meets joan crawford. trucker hat & shiny red riding boots. I love that man. I've been waiting for someone to bring his style aesthetic to hip hop. now, if only he'd go back to doing it. ooh BURN! just playin' andre.

there's some dull ludacris/pharrell number where a dancer wearing those gold pants from american apparel falls but then recovers. good save! the pussycat dolls show up at the end of the number for no apparent reason 'cept maybe to look fly.

I don't know. I'm kinda loving that buttons song. & it's not 'cause the video is full of writhing strippers, it's that weird normal singing to fake opera slide on the part where the one that actually sings (none of the other ones seem to do anything other than undulate) goes "(normal) baby, can't you (fake opera slide) SEEEEEEE-IH!/(normal) these clothes are fitting on (fake opera slide) MEEEEEEE-IH!" what the hell is that? who thought of it? I like that. I sing it in the shower & make it even weirder. yma sumac stylee.

I'm sorry. sarah silverman doesn't do it for me. though that stuff about jimmy kimmel & her nana's brisket was funny. but that was a long time ago. they're probaby grooming her to host next year.

* * *

brief d & j conversational snippet

j: whoa! he's still alive!

d: (simultaneously) he's not dead!

j: what happened to his hair?

d: what's his name again, chuck norris?

j: JOHN norris.

d: that's too bad. his hair is atrocious. he looks exactly the same though. huh. chuck norris IS dorian gray.

j: (laughing) JOHN norris.

d: whatever.

* * *

snoop comes on drinking gin & juice & says that sometimes he feels "like a real old g, nephew." that's deep uncle.

finally! some performaaaang**. courtesy of miss beyonce of course. I had not heard this song, ring the alarm, but I love it! it's so angry & unhinged! is jay-z dogging b? or is it..."songwriting?" who cares! beyonce is wearing an outfit inspired by angelina jolie's mrs. smith dominatrix outfit & a coat inspired by mcgruff the crime dog. it kind of works but I'm concerned about beyonce's legs. with those heels & that camelhair length...oh my god. I'm becoming tim gunn. beyonce is joined by similarly garbed dancers & the rhythm nation returns! I know, I KNOW she'll get dogged for this but I loved the psycho car driven in stick choreography. that was hot. if I were as old as when I first started watching this show, I would totally learn that & do it at home for my mom before dinner.

more sarah silverman. yawn. I think jack black's been on a few times again. I've ignored him.

all american rejects? meh.

an award for ringtone of the year? wow. that's pretty bad.

I enjoyed the panic! at the disco number. because while I'm not a fan of that bleating style of singing that's so popular with the trl crowd nowadays, I appreciated that the lead singer, who can't be more than 20 years-old TOPS, is totally working a jonathan rhys meyers in velvet goldmine vibe. lots of eyeliner, goose-stepping feyness & theatricality. they should ask todd haynes to direct their next video & go WAY glam. & WAY gay. that would be fabulous.

I find it interesting that child actress abigail breslin from little miss sunshine couldn't pronounce the word "avenged" when she presented an award but she still seemed waaaay smarter than jessica "hooked on phonics" simpson.

other stuff happened. christina aguilera sang a ballad & tried to pass dynamics as real feelings. sorry honey, I don't buy it. billy gibbons from zz top joined the raconteurs for one of his songs. j-lo wore a silver beanie & looked wan, as if marc anthony's been slowly sucking out all her sangre. missy elliott got stuck in a little car in the hype williams tribute (which they really could've done something with but didn't, was mace not available?) & showed way more chemistry with timbaland than he did earlier in the night with timberlake.

& yes, my friend andy performed the treadmill dance with his cronies in ok go. he didn't fall, none of them did. though the drummer seemed to have a shoe issue at one point. I sensed real commitment & style from a-ross, particularly in the captain's sign off move that's done on top of the handles at one point. great job kid. you done good. I'm proud of you!

love, d

ps almost forgot! favorite couch comment of the night, courtesy of j: "when did jordan catalano become a douche?"

* yup, they did. though if I were directing this, timberlake would've installed more ambitious shelving. & re-done the whole room in pastels.

** shakira & wyclef did a number before that. I have never liked shakira's voice. trust me, even when she sings in spanish it sounds like she's deaf &/or a seal. still, she usually has no problem projecting & last night it sounded like she was singing into a tin can. perhaps someone in the sound department shares my feelings?