poached

The other day I picked up a copy of Esquire to read in the tub, because although I have no penis, I do appreciate decent writing, which is pretty rare in them-there mags designed for the ladies. A reader had written in to suggest this method for making scrambled eggs, which I have to say is pretty genius: you take a skillet, throw in a couple slices of bacon (I imagine you can use any specie of bacon you like), and when it's done you take it out and put the eggs in the pan, in the delicious bacony pan, and that way they don't stick and they also taste like bacon. And presto, a hearty egg breakfast is served!

As it happened, my favorite male escort had called that day to say that he had found a copy of Eggs' Bruiser in the used bin at the record store in Brooklyn, and did I want it? Yes, I did want it, as part of my record collection rebuilding project! I have Eggs' other full-length, Teenbeat Exploder 96 on CD, and since they only recorded two full-lengths that catches me up nicely.

For those of you who don't know, Eggs existed in the mid-nineties in the Arlington/DC area and they put out records on Mark Robinson's excellent Teenbeat label. Their first single included a song called "Ocelot." When Teenbeat released the cassette/CD version of Exploder, they included 45-second silences where the vinyl sides were, so you could pantomime getting up and flipping the record, even if you were listening on Walkman or Discman. More? Do you need more? They have a song that includes the lyric "I don't want to be / part of your Marshall Plan" ("Rebuilding Europe"). When it came time to release a greatest hits album, it was titled How Do You Like Your Lobster.

All this cleverness aside, if you listen you'll find an endearingly warped sound, the result of jazz influences mashing up with early-90s indie-rock influences; the fact that recordings were done quick and cheap just adds to their charm. French horns and trombones kick in, but no one's wearing a porkpie hat, and several members lacked significant training - which, as we all know, can either result in awesome experiments and happy accidents, or in total suck. In Eggs' case, it was the former.

Eggs are no more, but it's never too late to get to know them. Former frontman Andrew Beaujon's name may be familiar to those of you who read Spin and the Washington Post. I've seen the full-lengths on Ebay, and, of course, you should always check the used bin at your friendly local record store.

Go get: Eggs Bruiser, Teenbeat Exploder 96. Andrew's written up a history of the band here.