No, no there's NO way
I told you there'd be a wrap-up but I'm still working on the hull. Soon children soon...
1. TV Nonsense, One
Ok, I really hope that American Idol is one of the eight shows Emily Muggabears watches* because on Wednesday night, a young lady by the name of Lakisha Jones absolutely KILLED And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going aka that long song J-Hud sings in Dreamgirls. That tune is an important part of my childhood**, so much so that even when I hear a mediocre version of it, and there are MANY, when those "And you! And you! And YOU! You're gonna loooooove meeeeeeeeee" lines are sung, it's goosebumps time. Nice job Miss Jones. You rocked that shiz.
Speaking of rocking that shiz, check out the ugly-face making vocal powerhouse that was the original Effie White, Miss Jennifer Holiday. Wowza. She's got lungs. She knows how to use 'em.
And I Am Telling You I'm Not Going/Jennifer Holiday (song starts at 3:30)
2. TV Nonsense, Two
I finally caught up on Lost and really WTF? I don't understand why the producers can't look at a calendar. Didn't they think it might be a bad idea to have the excellent, post-modern Desmond episode on Valentine's Day when most people would be on a date and/or making fun of the holiday with friends? And that perhaps having yet another snooze inducing Jack flashback episode this week was you know...a bad idea?
While I can't watch Bai Ling anymore without hearing her shriek I Wanna Be Sedated in my head, I have to admit having Fionnula Flanagan AKA Molly Bloom/Everyman's Irish Mom and Diana Scarwid AKA Christina Crawford as guest stars was inspired. You just know Scarwid's gonna be evil as hell.
3. TV Nonsense, Three
Can someone please, please, please get me that Who Dat Ninja? movie poster that's in Tracy Jordan's office in 30 Rock? I want to hang it over my desk.
4. TV Nonsense, Four
I've become completely obsessed with Battlestar Galactica. I blame Jeff K. I was trying to explain its appeal to a friend by shrieking "It's in space! And there's this mad scientist guy who really isn't all that mad, he's just uber narcissistic, and there's a robot in his head that he has sex with ALL THE TIME. Not like actually in his head, he sees her. Oh she looks like a person, not like a robot. Uh, it's complicated. But really it's SO awesome." Yeah, that didn't sell. But seriously, there's way more to the show than "sweet, sweet robot love"*** and people smarter than I can tell you all about the allusions to current political events and what it is to rebuild society in wartime but really robot sex in space! How can you go wrong?!?
5. New ANTM. Next week. Aaaaah sheeeit. I can't decide from looking at the ad photo who is gonna win. I'll let you know what I think after the first episode.
* Her exact number. I don't even want to think about all the shows I watch. Certainly more than eight. Less than a hundred. I hope. (Starts counting on fingers)
** I was an avid Showtime at the Apollo viewer.
*** Thank you Entertainment Weekly!