Metal Up Ass Fails to Excite

I'd seen the Early Man EP (alternately self-titled and called Fuck You If You're Talkin' To Me...depends where you look) sitting around at Other Music with some blurb about guitar shredding and flying beercans. I was in there the other day thinking that I could use a good dose of squealing guitar power, and Lord knows these guys try to pummel you with "street metal" (any guesses on what that's supposed to mean?). I know that minimal instrumentation is all the rage in certain circles these days, but this disc wants for some musical development.

Each one of the three songs starts of promisingly enough - the vocals sound just like Sabbath-era Ozzy and drums achieve a certain heviosity without just relying on an overpowering kick. But then they just go on and on with the same riffs and it gets a little tedious. The mixing doesn't really help things - the high-hat and/or ride cymbal is the only thing that comes close to cutting though tracks which sound like they're being recorded on the other side of heavy curtains. But what seems even more obvious to me is that the lyrics are just tragically cheesy. Observe:

All right, so you wanna fight/My fists are sticks of dynamite/Fuck you if you're talkin' to me/My fuse goes quick like TNT

sigh... What's the deal here, guys? Is this just referencing the silly macho bravado that seems so essential to the classic Heavy Metal aesthetic? Or is this some kind of Andrew WK non-pose? Either way, it's pretty half-baked.

But you don't have to take my word for it. Go ask Matador Records - they liked these guys enough to pick them up for a full-length.

I give this EP an ambivalent 5 out of 10.

RECOMMENDED TRACKS: Eh...pick one.